My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
be right there i have to get my cape
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