You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
