I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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