You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
