you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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