you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
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You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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