that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
