Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
