so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
