there was a trapeze. enough said
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
