found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize