Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
