The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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