So drunk its hurt
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Couch. On fire.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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