dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Randomize
