his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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