He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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