his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
