Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
