it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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