when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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