guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
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