Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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