I feel like abortions should bother me more
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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