if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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