She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
