Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
