So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
