And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
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Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
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What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize