We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
