I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
