she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
