I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
