Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
