Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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