I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
