i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
