Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
