He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
