I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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