About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
