I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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