im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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