We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Damn victory sex feels great
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
