just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
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