It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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