I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
