From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
