I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
