Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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