I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Dicks are not precious.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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