Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
