Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
