Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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