Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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