My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
