oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
