What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Randomize
