I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
