I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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