my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
