I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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