i can't believe i had my finger in that
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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