i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
