Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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