He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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