OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
