Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize
