"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
