Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
